Topics on Twitter Chatter

30th March 2009

Are you addicted to Twitter? Are you doing it at work?

Tweets, Lies and Video tapes

I don’t always rely on statistics because you never know where they get them from, who does them, and who exactly ‘They’ are. I read some recently and at the risk of becoming an addict of Twitter I decided to come to my own conclusions. I was already a Twitterer so I felt my recently enforced free time after suffering a blood clot, caused no doubt by my already addictive nature, could be put to good use for a change and find out exactly who the ‘They’ are.

Well of course the ‘They’ is now me, I am your big brother watching over my family in Twitterwingshire, I am the hidden camera recording your every vain attempt to speak to that special celebrity you cannot stop thinking about, I see the result of every jealous hit of the keyboard when you discover that the special one you felt should be answering your ‘Funny, clever topical, appropriately compiled 140 character masterpiece gets zero response, you wonder for a moment are my letters invisible, am I the millenniums equivalent of a 70’s secretary who sat touch typing for 4 hours only to look up and discover yer ink ribbon had run out on yer.

I will offer you some brief respite from my less than competent ability to sound as poetic or educationally adept at embarking on a journey into what I liken to a Hampton court labyrinth of Queens English which I should resist before I venture too deep into territory best left to great explorers like Mr Brand and Mr Fry.

Statistics I came across said that 62% of Twitterers done so from work for an average of 7 minutes a day, where do these figures come from honestly. Ok I know what you are thinking, well they are taking an average, but hold on a minute, I think this figure is misleading for one very simple reason, I can see how someone might ‘Tweet’ for 7 minutes, after all, it doesn’t take long to type your allocated number of characters, (I still don’t know why it’s 140, or why when you @reply to someone their name counts as part of your already miserly allocation) I need to follow more pop stars who just use a symbol.

How do you define ‘Using’ Twitter? Mine is on all day, I am not tweeting all the time but I am checking my replies, this is my 'Job' afterall. I am looking for that interesting piece of information from Will Carling to see if his kids will be fed Ready Brek again this morning and glow for the next 24 hours, am I hell, I along with thousands of others stealing 7 minutes from their employers which ultimately will be funded by the tax payer, want to know the interesting inside gossip like did you really spend as much time in car boots as you did in rugby ones.

Another slightly surprising statistic ‘They’ so accurately came up with was that 42% of twitterers were between the ages of 35 and 49. I can neither agree or disagree with these numbers as being a gentleman I don’t make a habit of asking peoples ages, but if true I find it one of the more reassuring statistics which hopefully is an indication of children spending less time on the internet and taking up healthier activities such as sports, like football FIFA 2009. The next generation will either have the strongest, fittest thumbs or will be the next generation of twitterers sat struggling to type on their ipod iphone mac book dongle dougal Zebedee electronic device whilst queuing to see the repetitive stress injury specialist.

I am not here to spoil your fun or preach about what you should be doing while sitting at your desks even if you are tweeting while you should be earning your wages, helping your company stay afloat even though you will not benefit from its demise, after all, 35 minutes a week hardly adds up to a second home allowance does it, but it would mean you could spend that extra time at home tweeting instead of having to commute into work every day like so many millions do every day.

But ladies, whether you travel to your work station to carry out your secretarial duties, or you are a ‘Home secretary’ while you are earning your hard earned cash that will hopefully enable you to enjoy a night out with the girls once in a while, rest assured your hubby will be fine left to his own devices, so long as you don’t mind including his visit to the top shelf at blockbusters in your expenses too.

Is it any wonder that workers feel cheated these days, are they not entitled to their little 'Bonus' of 35 minutes a week, the only one they are ever likely to receive before those in their rain forest wood paneled offices sit on their fat lazy arses at their computers ‘Tweaking’ the accounts until the bubble of the good ship Lolli goes pop.
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What's going on here? http://tinyurl.com/c5tea8 Your ideas for a funny caption or just an explanation

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MandyPandy32 is raising money for a very good cause, the fight against breast cancer. Visit her site here and help in any way possible, even if it's just telling as many people about it as possible https://www.bmycharity.com/

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Well I am publishing on this blog the 'Best Tweets' either you have written or seen others write. Please email to twittertalkwhite@gmail.com or leave them on 'comments' below.

Some 'Top Tweets' I noticed

Sheamus Shame on you hunters! http://bit.ly/RjJdX

rustyrockets@teamchadwick Are you in Blighty Tom? What's it like? As magical as always? Tell me Her Majesty is well. x

rustyrocketsI'm off to write a blog about dolphins but first will get all Kerouac-ed up on espresso to get me in the mood. ENG-GER-LAND!!! Big kiss. x

pitstopmark Well I have an article to write about addiction to twitter, just can't seem to drag myself away to write it

atigs@rustyrockets my roommate STILL wants you to autograph her uterus. what's the deal? make it happen

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Little Twitain Matt Lucas is the new guy in Twitter village ________________________________________

Top Comic Jason Manford is a Twitterer @Jason_Manford

Jason Live at The Apollo click for comedy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc9exCMD_cQ & http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeHqb9aDzkU&feature=related

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Why should celebrities follow you? Leave your comments

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Madonnas Manager Guy Oseary is now on Twitter @guyoseary _______________________________________________

Agony Aunt Alan Davies! Any problem you may have, a charity you want to promote, he is the Twitter village 'Notice board' @alandavies1

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How would you sum up Twitter?

Carli Chic sums it up nicely and I quote 'Twitter is like a line from hotel california "you can check out anytime u want but u can never leave".

Can you do any better than that?
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Kids to study 'Twitter' and blogs in primary school http://tinyurl.com/dg2syq
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Stephen fry up for 2 BAFTAS plus one for Qi and June Brown (Dot Cotton) up for best Soap actress BAFTA http://twitpic.com/29x9n
Also will Wossy be receiving this year instead of giving?
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Must see movies

'Damned United' The story of Brian Cloughs' short career at Leeds Utd. Out 27th March.
Did you enjoy this or any other film, leave your comments below.

Tim Lovejoy said 'It's a must see for every football fan, the best football film ever' See their review here http://channelbee.com/move/programmes/3menanda#2532
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Which Celebs actually understand twitter? Do any of them 'Really' get it?
You can email me twittertalkwhite@gmail.com

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Read this weeks Taroscopes from Julie Moore http://www.juliemoore.co.uk/

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Really boring celebrity tweets. Send me the most boring tweets you see from celebrities
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Problems 'arise' with Titpic, sorry, Twitpic http://tinyurl.com/c4pdee
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This guy has balls, it's no 'Tiddler on the roof' http://tinyurl.com/cux3kl
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You're gonna like this, not a lot Paul Daniels appears on twitter @ThePaulDaniels and teaching us new tricks. He is already impressing many with his humour. There are going to be a few precious tweets coming from his magic fingers, for example,

@ThePaulDaniels...Now I have a question for you all. Last weekend we put the clocks forward for an hour. We do that every year and then back again later. Why didn't we just put them forward half an hour and then forget messing about for the rest of time?

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The biggest Easter egg hunt in Twistory http://www.twitteregghunt.co.cc/
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Ray Quinn slides onto twitter @therealrayquinn
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Robert Luketic Aussie Film director, Legally blonde amongst others is a newby and probably in need of direction himself @robluketic
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Twitterzone Boy Ronan Keating is on the Rollercoaster we call Twitter @ronanofficial

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Adam Woodyatt is the new number 1 Tweeter. What number are you?
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Top 10 most boring celebrities on Twitter
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Russell Brand TV.
Aussie tour video, daily (Unmissable) Brand blog updates, and each and every tweet he has entered on Twitter also available.
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Jade Goody dies 3.55 am Sunday 22nd March and Stephen Fry sums her up in a way only he can and I quote

'Suppose she was a kind of Princess D from the wrong side of the tracks'.

He went on to say,

'Jade lived life under a magnifiyong glass. Magnifying glasses magnify (obviously) but they distort and they burn'.

I think even his shopping list would make rivetting reading.

Also read Russell Brands tribute to Jade Goody here http://www.russellbrand.tv/

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Tears for Fears Sewing the Tweets of love on Twitter @curtsmith
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Thought for the day...It's always good to have one at least, but even better to have an educated one like this......

"In what some considered to be a defeat - I considered to have won a great victory."~ by Eleesha,
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Twitter, self afirmation for 'Friendless folk?
Maybe this will help you decide, but be warned, you may feel a little shallow, small, embarrassed, see yourself there or all 4. Don't say I didn't warn you. But it is so brilliant and so true http://current.com/items/89891774/supernews_twouble_with_twitters.htm
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Who are the top 30 celebrity twitterers?
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Ian Beale the new 'Twitteratzi' ?
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Who would you want to be for a day?__________________________________________

Liam Gallagher joins Twitter..........Sunshinnneeeee
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Fearne Cotton, Twitter toes http://twitpic.com/2a8c9
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Stephen Fry flying high in style on Twitter, including some weird and wonderful fruits and food in, Frys' Tucker.
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Jamie Oliver dishing up some real tweets
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Donal MacIntyre looming somewhere
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Bill Bailey has come home
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Crikey! Kryten on the Computer Twittership. Checkout his in car interviews 'Carpool' here http://www.llewtube.com/ Top celeb interviews.

Hear messsages from Kryten click these links http://is.gd/peSN http://is.gd/pnL2

Latest Carpool with David Baddiel http://blip.tv/file/1926959

Lister and Kryten http://twitpic.com/2ixfi
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Mathew Horne, Arsonist?
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What does Twitter mean to you?
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Glastonbury radio searching for Celebrities interested in presenting radio shows and Audio blogs http://www.celebrityradio.biz/
The moaning old gits every Wednesday midday UK left to right Doug Hill Nick Cottle and Ross Hemsworth http://twitpic.com/2hq7g
Feel good Friday with Ross Hemsworth Midday UK. Listen online
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Russell Brand TV
Read his unique blog, see him singing with a 'Gay choir' down under and more, checkout out Russells site http://www.russellbrand.tv/2009/03/394/
and this is a 'MUST READ' article from the king of Kontroversy http://www.russellbrand.tv/2009/03/controversial-blog/
Russell says 'Lets all examine each others blogs till we go mad with power. I've got to doze now - I feel confused by your beauty - in bed ON OWN. byeeex'
Backstage in Sydney and Live on stage http://tinyurl.com/dhke9d
http://tinyurl.com/d6cdaw Pics from Malaysia http://tinyurl.com/cpajkw

Russell writes about Bikinis, 5 star luxury and dolphins http://www.russellbrand.tv/2009/03/dolphins/

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Fans turn up to see Chris Moyles new show http://twitpic.com/29zk6
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Just Jack adding to the starz in our eyes on Twitter
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The Twitchikers guide from UK to NZ
http://tinyurl.com/cmoejvand
http://bit.ly/EGdEu Donate to his charity event http://bit.ly/18scMc

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