American Idol or was it Americas next top model?

The horse drawn entourage left Dallas and headed North West to the mile high city of Denver, where the air is thin as was guest judge Victoria Beckham. I was pleasantly surprised by her new look, a bit shiny looking but that's what happens when you stretch skin, she looked like a pretty snare drum.

Beauty and fashion seemed to be of high importance for these auditions. I couldn't help thinking Tyra Banks could so easily have stepped in for Randy Jackson and maybe even Vivienne Westwood could have been Simon's mouth piece, as singing took a back seat to hair, dresses and bodies. That's a real beauty and the beast pairing.

Casey James revealed how lucky he was to even be here after suffering a horrific motorcycle accident that could of killed him, his doctor even warned him he would never play guitar again. I wonder if he misheard and mixed up the words would and should. He sounded kinda disinterested if I'm honest, no personality or charisma, a bit like, yeah well so what attitude. Cue Tyra and Vivienne, I mean Kara and Victoria, they spotted something the guys had missed, they liked his look, they loved his newly freed blond locks and his newly escaped nipples. A little extra persuasion from Kara was all Randy needed to give Casey the 3 to 1 vote. Simon left bewildered, like me, wondering had he wandered onto the wrong set.

Jack Black lookalike Mark Labriola had to hope his singing would take him through because he had nothing to fall back on in the looks department. But this was one interesting dude (Do you notice I'm improving on my Americanisms?) His Mum had taken him on the run from their dad at the age of 4 and they were finally caught in Maui 6 years later, I think. He now has a gold ticket and a son of his own to go on the run with to Hollywood after impressing 8 ears instead of eyes.

Mario 'Giggle' Galvin entertained us all not with his Elvis impression but his annoying little laugh after every sentence. It was 4 no's and here is your chance to give him another one. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvbCZIXSEgk

Denver seemed an angry place when it's inhabitants heard the word no and the blurers, beepers and security were all kept busy. How Simon has remained so good looking amazes me. Although it was him on the other end of a fierce tongue when Kimberley kerbow stepped in and told Simon she has something to stop him losing his hair. 'Your a single mum' he replied, 'I'm not surprised'. Lippy but funny she managed to extract 4 yes’s, Victoria Beckham proved she knows a lot about fake beauty as she pointed out that Kimberley herself was wearing a wig. Meeeoooowwwwwwww! Posh was looking very, well, posh and she does bring a little bit of style to the show, I never thought I would be writing that about her, but she does, she seems compassionate, kind and has a good heart. Which is certainly something the next contestant had, it was there on her sleeve as she was crying before she had spoken, let alone sung. 'Live' karaoke host Danielle Hayes, what does she mean 'Live' karaoke host? Am I suffering from a lost in translation moment here? Are all karaokes not live? That would be really sad wouldn't it, a miming karaoke night. Milli Vanilli songs all round then. Either way those days could be over as she was rescued from that 'Hell' by Simon and on her way to bigger and better things, and those Hollywood finals are 'Live'.

A true artist presented the 4 live models with a picture each which was a nice little touch, while her Mum Tori Kelly was a hit with the fearsome foursome and got the yes's required plus a compliment from Mrs Beckham who thought she was extremely pretty and adored her dress. I agree with her. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bm8OazEFEI

15 gold cards were granted on day 1 so it was looking good for day 2. The only change for the judges on the second day was Simon and Randy had swapped places for some reason, but Victoria was there again, she's growing on me.

Football 'Snapper' (That's the guy that throws the ball through his legs when they shout that hut hut hut thingy right?) Austin Paul, wow, he upset all 4 with his singing and attitude 'Arrogant' said Posh, Kara preferred 'Cocky' as her criticism, Simon described him perfectly as 'Annoying' and Randy did his no, no, no, no, no. I love it when he does that. Austin still convinced he was 'Gonna be a star' left with his tail instead of a ball between his legs.

Consider this next clip a 'Public service' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFMMa1rorLs

It was almost time to say good day to Denver when Nicci Nik walked in. Was she taking Helium? asked Victoria via Simon, what a cute little voice this girl has, and that's before she sings. She sounded like Sgt Hooks off Police academy. She had arrived in Denver after taking a plane from Italy to Germany then onto Colorado, that's dedication and was rewarded by 4 yes's, I hope she bought an open ticket because I got a feeling she going a long way dog. (How's my Randy coming along)

There was a really bizarre guy that looked like someone had stolen the centre of his moustache and sang that scatman song, badly, Simon said it was like having Paula back in the room, Abdul I'm guessing right? Did they not get on? Another montage of no's for 20 or so more hopefuls which included the Denver cat killer, she was bad, Denver maybe the highest state in the US but she took it a whole way higher.

This left enough time to hear the sexy lisp of cute Hayley Vaughan who impressed all four experts not just with her song but her infectious smile also. Last year Idol treated you to 'Bikini girl', this was the year for 'Bikini boy'. All 4 judges walked out leaving the hip swinging scary physco, well, you be the judges, coz they all gone already. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXavCwlFPh8

Only another 11 saw Gold on day 2 making a total of 26 going onto the finals in Hollywood. One audition left to go and I cannot wait. Can you take Victoria along please?