More than 20,000 hopefuls queued at the Rose bowl in Los Angeles over 2 days for auditions to show the judges that they have what it takes to be the next Kelly Clarkson or Adam Lambert.Only 24 of those managed to impress judges Simon Cowell, Kara DioGuardi, Randy Jackson and guest judge Avril Lavigne, the Canadian singer and fashion designer, did she design that horny hoodie number? And Katy Perry, her of kissing a girl fame. Although this is now in doubt as the girl she is believed to have kissed is none other than recent UK Celebrity Big Brother contestant Lady Sovereign who made the claim recently. You make up your own minds, that's her in the pic. If I were a straight girl I don't think I would want to kiss it, her, him.
Back to the main purpose for being here, it's all about the singers not the celebrity judges, only I wont let Simon hear me say that. Ryan Seacrest, as brilliant as ever got the show on the long road with the first victim of Simons snake like tongue Neil Goldstein. This guy was scary enough to look at without him even opening his mouth . Sweat already pouring from his head which contains a brain with an IQ of 168, he admitted 'I'm into absolutely everything, you name it I'm into it and I’m gonna get that gold ticket, I'm going to Hollywood come rain or shine'. Well, if a Tsunami came travelling in the direction of Hollywood that wouldn't even take you there, it'll spit you out the moment it hears you make that funny little noise with your mouth, and don't even get me started on the singing. His song choice 'Remember everything that i told you' by meatloaf, couldn't of had a worse title as he forgot everything, first line included. Cowell remarked 'How ironic'. When he received the inevitable 4 no's the sweat poured more profusely as he screamed 'I’m not going anywhere, never was a statement so true, you aint going nowhere, especially the Hollywood finals. He found it hard to accept the harsh reality and his parting words with threatening tone were 'Try not to nail my arse with a door again Simon', with reference to an earlier incident where Cowell accidentally hit him while opening a door, this is what put Neil off his audition, honest. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNu_BGhPY2w&feature=related
Sanity was restored to proceedings when Jim Ranger stepped onto the hot spot and sang his own song called 'Drive'. He impressed all but Avril who thought that life as a pop star is not one for a married Pastor with 3 children, he made it through and will be preaching his music again in Hollywood.
I think the best bits of Idol are not when the successful singers are given their Gold card but when the other 19,977 are told no, especially when Randy is the 'Dog' saying the no's, how cool is that dude. Jayson Wilson received at least 4 no's from Randy alone, 7 altogether, all the judges were singing from the same song sheet on this occasion as they were for Jesse Chang's interpretation of Kung Fu fighting. Next for the chop was martial arts expert Damien Lefavour, a passivised who knows the best way not to get hurt is to not fight at all, walk away and swallow your pride. He choked as he failed to hit
the right note he has been trying to nail for over 2 years as the judges all looked like they were about to suffer some kind of 'Wrongeous' Brothers induced death. Back to making pepperoni sandwiches Monday morning then. Watch his audition http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CULvzNogbmc&feature=relatedIt seems last years winner was the subject of many wannabe lookalikes, one guy remarking that he thought if he and Susan Boyle were to have a child, he would be the result, he was scarily correct, unfortunately he only had Susan's looks and not her voice. A J Mendoza was next in the firing line, not only was he a dead ringer for Adam, he actually had received rave reviews about his voice from the 2009 champion after sending him a demo, this is what gave him the encouragement and confidence to audition. Randy began his trademark laugh from the moment he sang the opening line from Living colours' 'Coats of personality', Simon thought it sounded like he had been to the dentist ten minutes before the show and had a tonne of numbing solution injected into his mouth. It really was as Randy described it (After the laughing stopped) 'A bad ventriloquist act', adding, 'This is the easiest no of the day'. Any chance he had of winning viewers over were thrown away as first his 'Friend', that no doubt is one of the people ill advising him, (Along with Adam Lambert), that he can sing as he kept the BEEP BEEP machine operator busy, then the American Idol symbol was needed to disguise the use of I'm not sure how many fingers from a now angry dummy.
Day 2 welcomed Avril's replacement guest judge Katy Perry. Her first subject for her yes or her no, her wrong or her right was Shiny dressed water treatment worker Austin Fullmer
who said he wouldn't mind if he was doing a concert and girls wanted to get up on stage and touch him, hmm, I kinda think that doesn't happen often, he looked like a gay Dennis the menace and sang as bad as he looked. Katy and Kara agreed (For a change) that he reminded them of like an Iggy pop crossed with Mick Jagger. Austin who believed this was his purpose in life was asked by Simon, 'Can you not just carry on cleaning water?' He took the news that he will not be going to the finals very badly as he went from a confident certainty to a water works all of his own. He couldn't understand how Randy and Simon didn't like him he told his friends, 'Katy and Kara got it, finally a real man was in front of them', then stormed out in a Tantrum Elton John would be proud of.
The next looking for a life changing opportunity was Andrew Garcia, a 23 year old guy with a dream of a better life than his parents had as gang members and give his own son the chance of a future. He sang as well as his namesake Andy Garcia dances, reminded me a little of a great newish British singer Paulo Nutini, if you haven't heard this guy Nutini sing you must, here is a sample of his voice http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-xd3NuWQI0
Simon thought Andrew was 'The first genuine good, good singer of the 2 days. Randy said 'If you can sing, you can sing anything and i think you can sing anything you got mad vocals dog'. His voice gave katy chills, she was almost busting out of her hot little red number with excitement and Kara gave him a 110% yes. It seems like a good plan to bring your kids along to the auditions if you have any, if you don’t borrow one for the day.Up until now it was only guys getting the golden tickets to the land of dreams so could real Southern belle Tasha Layton float the judges boat and get the vote to cruise onto Hollywood. The simple answer was Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!.
Jason Green a guy who really believes in magic was told to disappear but not before hitting on Simon, getting on his knees and touching himself making Katy and Kara feel very dirty. I think he turned up with only one objective which was to give his phone number to Ryan Seacrest, who was quick to tell him 'Contrary to what you might of heard about me I'm not the one you should be giving your number to', then amusingly passing it to a gigantic security guy who looked about as gay as Rambo. Just click here if you don't believe mehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CKZqPUtb3M&feature=related
Katy and Kara were having their own personal battle as it seemed they just couldn't agree on anything. This exploded into an argument when the final contestant for LA Chris Golightly sang his own version of Ben E King's Stand by me. We heard how since the age of 18 months he had lived with 25 different foster families, a fact that Katy Perry thought had nothing to do with American Idol, 'This is not a film about life stories this is a singing competition' she reminded Kara. Chris was Kara's favourite singer of the day and gave him a big Y, Simon offered him a small y as did a less than happy Katy, it was all finished off very beautifully as is usually the case by the coolest dude in the room Randy, with the biggest Y of them all. Chris who has never had anything in his life has taken the first step to getting something. His next stop, Hollywood, ours? Dallas
Yeeeeeeeha
Today the Haiti appeal single was played for the first time on British radio. It is released as a download on Subday the 7th February and on CD on Monday. All proceeds going to the Help Haiti fund. 21 top class singers from all over the world gave their time for free, including Mariah Carey, Leona Lewis, Rod Stewart, Robbie Williams, Susan Boyle. You can listen to it here but please if you can buy it from Sunday.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16qIvszIcp8
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