13 live acts plus Cheryl

I was so pleased to see John eliminated from the show this week, only so I can use this next line. Yes, we will be a nation of yodelers by this time next week as we ask, John Adeleye who? Which means of course we will also still be changing one letter of Wagner's name to more accurately describe the ugliest Brazilian ever and the only one who suffers from lack of rhythm. You'd think he might have a nice hair trim being Brazilian.

Staying on the subject of hair, John deserved to be voted off even before he opened his mouth, what was his hair all about? It was a girls bun! Still, when you have Louis Walsh as your guru it's more like having a cock than a Gok in your corner.

John can consider himself extremely unlucky to be on his way home while Wanker continues to annoy the majority of the viewers. Who is voting for him? Blind deaf people? There can't be that many Brazilians with phones surely. Seriously, who would vote for Wagner? He isn't good looking, he can't sing, can't dance, can't even talk properly, he should be working in a call centre.

Louis is an idiot though isn't he. Last year he gave us Jedward, this year he's in charge of the over 28 talent. Having said that, Mary can carry a tune, but a pop star? Perlease. She has the XXXL factor granted. Seeing her in top shop was a little uncomfortable for me so I dread to think how she felt.

But let's celebrate talent that was on show on Saturday night. Highlights for me were Matt Cardle singing a Britney classic. Coincidentally, earlier in the day I had been watching a show on ITV about worst ever performances at talent show auditions and the 'Baby one more time' was the most popular but also most murdered songs. Matt however made it his own and is looking very very likely to be there for many weeks to come. He can sing, he is good looking, can he dance? We haven't seen that side of him yet. One thing i don't like about him he has this annoying habit of putting his hands together like he's praying, stop it Matt. OK, that's my advice over with. Dannis' effort to be the best looking judge suffered another set back this week as it looked like she had been styled by Cock Walsh and she finished a poor second behind the beautiful Simon Cowell.

Cher (Daniella Westbrook lookalike) was on top form again, she is another strongly fancied contender for the X Factor title this year along with who I thought gave the best performance of the night Katie Waissel.

This weeks theme was guilty pleasures, I'm not sure whose guilty pleasure the jungle book is but I wouldn't think it's Katies and we know Cheryls Extremely guilty bordering on worrying pleasure is One direction. A group of young lads who are in Simons words "The next big thing". Well you are their mentor, you have a record label and more power in the music industry than anyone. Add that to their boyish good looks that will appeal to every teenager on the planet and you have the recipe for disaster to the music industry and teenagers parents pockets as posters, albums and tour dates and if they cause the same amount of media frenzy as Bieber fever then a book will be due out shortly also. Can you believe that, Bieber has his autobiography out. "Woke up, sucked my Mums breast, burped, gurgled a song, threw up and went back to sleep.

Rebecca Ferguson was tremendous again this week but her wardrobe needs some attention, I wouldn't want to be seen out with my girlfriend looking like she did in that dress, although it would be somewhere handy to place your pint. Cheryl thinks Rebecca ticks all the boxes, I think they shared the same hair colour bottle this week also. Why do I not like Cheryl? That's another 2000 word article for the future.

(Photo: Rooney shooting his mouth off)
I admit to having a few drinks on Saturday night, it tends to help me get through the monotonous repetition of "They are taking a real risk with this song". No they aren't, soldiers in Afghanistan are taking a risk, Wayne Rooney took a risk saying he wanted to leave Manchester United. Be honest, when you saw the news he had signed a new 5 year deal, did you put it down to the death threats from the angry mobs outside his home, or was his agent on the phone to 'Rent an angry crowd' persuading Rooney to take the new deal of £250,000 a week. Do you realise £250,000 would pay 10 soldiers salary for a year. Sick world isn't it. Anyway, I was in the kitchen preparing another Gin and tonic and wasn't in any hurry to get back to the living room as I could hear what I thought was the Talk Talk ad that they show at the and of each section of the show, then realised it was Belle Amie screaming. Maybe we have found the new spice girls.

If I didn't mention every act tonight then they were as forgettable to me now as they seemed on the night. Best performance this week goes to Katie, worst to Cheryl Cole, she even mimes out of tune. Mr Bublé was unimpressive, nothing wrong with his voice just didn't like the new song.

See you next week when I will be talking about how the FUNG a Wanger like that is still in.