News at Net from NIT

Education has clearly failed

Today I have seen the best and the worst of Britain. On my way to meet my girlfriend for lunch in Victoria I noticed an unusual amount of students, I knew it wasn't half term so why the crowds? Perhaps they had all heard about the 3 for 2 deal on Right Guard at Boots, nahhh. Then I saw the placards, I think there was one actually spelt correctly. They were on their way to protest about the hike in education fees, they would have less money for lager and pot noodles and my only worry, even less to spend on personal hygiene.

It didn't take long for them to live up to our expectations and conduct themselves with their usual disregard for anyone else other than themselves. You are the scum of Britain.

Some, as I am sure you have seen on TV were throwing rocks from the top of Tory headquarters, they have cost you and I hundreds of thousands of pounds in taxes for the clean up and repair. Maybe that cost should be added onto the increase in fees also. It wont end there of course as we waste even more money on legal fees for top lawyers to try and defend them and give mitigating circumstances for their atrocious actions.


What a fiasco, the police should have got the water canons out and given them a bloody good wash, two birds with one stone. Then instead of taking them to a nice warm cell where they will be fed and watered (Sparkling of course,) take them to Trafalgar square, put them one by one up on the plinth and stone the little fuckers.


Then on the flip side to this, the Pride of Britain awards provided a proud and moving interval from the blanket news coverage of thugs destroying our city to those that have dedicated their lives to helping others.

Amazing survivors including the woman who has endured a life time of operations which have meant her having a completely new set of organs, who wasn't moved to tears when they wheeled on the guy whose life she had saved by donating her heart. Yes I was confused also, but it's true. The incredible courage shown by David Rathband, the policeman blinded by crazy gunman Raoul Moat and children that have rescued their seniors from what seemed impossible life threatening situations.



I suggest after their stoning, each student responsible for the appalling scenes in London are made to sit and watch the awards ceremony and made to spend the rest of their academic years looking after and doing community work for all of those incredible examples of what is still Great in Britain today.



On the lighter side.....


The car now standing on platform 3 is the 6-05 from
the Rose and crown

A drunk driver who mistook a train platform's disabled ramp for a car park entrance sent commuters running for safety in Switzerland.

Gerald Bacher is believed to have been three times over the drink drive limit when he plunged over the platform edge onto the tracks stranding hundreds of travellers for five hours.

"He was looking for the car park and took a very wrong turn. It was 6am and God knows how he managed to be so drunk so early in the morning," said one commuter.
Police say a 67-year-old man is being interviewed over motoring offences. The police are the same the world over, why don't they just say "We got the drunken old sod?" Great excuse for the rail company to explain away delays, beats leaves on the line i suppose.

Prisons to install sunbeds

A Russian prison is to install sunbeds and mud baths to improve the health of its inmates.

Sergei Telyatnikov, head of Moscow's Butyrka remand prison, said inmates would also be allowed to use Skype to make voice and video calls to relatives. I can imagine this going very wrong.
He said ultrasound systems would also be used to give prisoners health checks. Russia's prisons have been criticised as being overcrowded and badly managed with poor medical facilities.

Mr Telyatnikov went on to say, "We are developing additional medical services... and even sunbeds will be put in place." Bunk sunbeds?

And finally.....What Carol Vorderman wore as host of the pride of Britain awards was obscene and totally out of place at an event like that. It wasn't about you Vorderman, your tits or your dress designer. Perhaps she was under the impression POB stood for Porn of Britain awards. Carol I will have 2 large ones from the top please.