A game of snooker takes place on a 12' by 6' table. It has been described in the past as a game of chess on a bigger board; some have even delightfully likened it to poetry in motion. Both descriptions are still faintly accurate, but whereas you used to have Gary Kasparov against John Cooper Clarke, nowadays it's more your, well I don't actually know any ultra boring poets or pawn pushers.
My point is, the game today has absolutely zero characters. Even the commentators make me sleepy with their self indulgent attitudes, 'look at these lines I'm drawing with my compupen, watch I will leave it on the screen just to prove how clever I am at guessing what the actual genius will do.'
Yep, the players are even more talented than they were back in the 70's, 80's and early 90's but what they make up for in ability they lack in watchability, they bore me and have me reaching for a tissue to wipe away the tears from yawning rather than the tears of laughter that giants of the game like Alex Higgins, Jimmy White, Dennis Taylor, Joe Johnson, John Parrot and Ray Reardon used to cause. There's 6 names that sprang to mind without even having to think about it, name one now? You can't. It's the same as any sport these days, where's your George Best or Stan Bowles, John McEnroe, Jimmy Connors? Sport as everything these days has been gobbled up by media’s big boys who spit out cash to the players who dish up for us zero entertainment to us the payer.
Tony Knowles attracted women’s interest to the game, well his arse as he bent over the table and his cute pin up boy looks as he turned round and winked at the girl in the audience that was sure to be in his bed later that night. And who can forget the gorgeous looking Paul Hunter, sadly taken prematurely by cancer, he leaves an academy in his honour which will produce a new professional player every year, what a great legacy to leave behind.
I wouldn’t be surprised if when Alex Higgins finally leaves to play and terrorize the bearded cue man above he will leave a round of drinks in his local bar and a memory of the most controversial player of all time. It was no secret that Alex and Steve Davis never saw eye to eye but Steve actually saved Alex’s life the night before the 2 were due to meet in a world championship quarter final the following day, Alex was being beaten up by a group of guys and was very close to death when Steve happened upon the scene and shouted ‘OK boys, that should be enough.’
The greatest player today is undoubtedly the ultra ridiculously talented Rocket Ronnie O'Sullivan, not a lot to scream about though unfortunately when you consider every time the child loses a match he throws all the toys out the pram, spits his dummy then gurgles on about how he wants to leave the game as it doesn't satisfy him. No, I know what you mean Ronnie, I had 10% of your talent and I always felt like throwing in the towel after every defeat also, the thought of going back on the building the following day to dig trenches in pouring rain for a living seemed much more rewarding and enjoyable. Grow up, accept that losing isn't failure at what you do, it just means you have to work a bit harder and practice 20% harder than you normally do, then you would feel how hard the less talented of the players on the circuit work, then times it by 5. No you are not perfect, perfection doesn't exist, get over it.
This years championships have thrown up little new talent apart from Mark Allen the cheeky little man from Northern Ireland. He actually smiled once and Dennis Taylor almost wet himself laughing, 'The thunder from down under, or Albino from Australia as I prefer to call him also broke into a smile at one stage, also tickling the man who invented the silly glasses. Even the so called 'Jester from Leicester' would hardly of had Queen Victoria rolling off her throne, Mark, your head would have come orf faster than Tony Drago could get from his chair and knock in a 50, now there was an emotional, talented Maltese magician wielding a cue as his magic wand.
I caught a glimpse of a new format hoping to attract a new audience to it's dwindling numbers in the form of the equivalent to crickets 20/20 games called super 6's and it does look interesting. 6 Reds only and a few different rules which I'm sure SnookerUpdates (Follow him on twitter) can help you with the legal side of things, one thing I know is the final will be on tomorrow sometime during the main final, Tony Knowles will take on Frank Muir, no sorry he was on call my bluff, I mean Ross Muir a junior from Scotland.
(My prediction as of 7pm Saturday evening)The main event will be fought between 2 times champion John Higgins in his 4th final and Shaun Murphy from Sheffield. Will the Wizard of Wishaw claim a hat trick of titles or will Shaun make it a brace. One thing is certain, there will be few smiles from either, quality snooker, but nil entertainment. Enjoy
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