Wow, What an episode that was, mostly for the wrong reasons but there was some very clever television from the producers of Celebrity Big Brother. So the script meeting probably went something like this...
OK team, tonight we are going to make the guys look as ridiculous as possible, we are going to hold a Mr World contest, we will have an evening wear section, swimwear where we will dress the poor sods in mankinis and then probably the toughest round of all the talent contest. But boss who is going to make Vinnie wear one of those? yes good point, OK we will make him the host. The evening wear is a nice easy starter, I mean come on who doesn't look good in a tuxedo? Even Baldwin looked normal.
So to the beach wear section, Father Stephen refused to don the mankini (Thank god) and so did Dane Bowers, what has Dane done since he entered the house? actually what has he done since Another Level? This was clearly Sisqos round as he won by a length and as one of the ladies so rightly said the 'Best Butt in the house'. Yes it was better than any females in there also, I don't mean that in a gay way, he actually has a ladies bottom.
The producers must of been very pleased with themselves with the arrival of the talent part of the hunk hunt. Stephen Baldwin decided after not being allowed to take his bible along to read from to entertain us with a poem he had written, it didn't rhyme and said more or less the same line repeatedly. Alex treated the girls to his groyne straining attempt at the splits and got as far down as i do, Sisqo sang of course, the same song he has been singing since day one and thank Stephen 'God' Baldwin that Jonas didn't sing the only song he knows, instead he seduced the ladies with his 'Special' kiss. Dane was up next, what could he do to outclass the suave Swede, yep, rub their necks for ten seconds, that's some talent.
There could only be one winner and the result announced as these beauty contests always are, in reverse order, the judges got it bang on. 5th place to the poet from hell. 4th Alex's half attempt and half completed splits, 3rd place went to Basshunter for his 3rd rate kisses, 2nd best at being talented was the manipulative Bowers taking cheesiness to another level and way out in front for his behind the Sisqo kid at number 1.
The prize for male celebrity seeker without doubt goes to Katia who after spending a year with old rocker Ronnie decides she wants a normal guy her own age so she can have a relationship in private then after being in the house less than a week live on TV 'Flirts' with Jonas but then warns him that nothing can come of it and she has a boyfriend, then follows her hunter into the bedroom and actually makes room for him to join her in her bed. THEN! he has his hand on her tra la la and after 5 days of no serial masturbating Katia will be swimming with, well millions of other swimmers at this very moment if she hasn't already been drowned. How must Ronnie feel, from one of the biggest music acts the world has ever seen Katia has sunk to new lows in a sea of a Swedish spunking 1 hit wonder. All i ever wanted, der der der der der der der, damn that tune I can't get it out of my head. Well at least Jonas has joined a group with Ronnie Wood in some way.
So to the variety show finale for the Friday night fun, Stephen looking and acting like a dummy, no change there then, Kylie and Jason sounding about the same as they did back whenever it was and Sovsqo (Paul and the lovely Debbie Mcgee) doing a little bit of magic, but not a lot, although I have to say that was an amazing entrance into the house. His assistant Sov disappeared and I actually started thinking oh I hope she comes back, yesterday I was tipping her to be first out but all the time hoping it will be Stephen, does the whole nation want to see an evangelical eviction? I was on twitter at the time and many twitterers were tweeting 'Oh I hope Sov comes back she was growing on me' well she is growing on me also.
So with the magic words ting a ling, booyakasha Sov was replaced in the box by a pair of lips and lobes. Ivana didn't waste a second to try and get the British public on her side by using a classic old comedy punchline 'Hedi Hi, how I hoped the other British housemates would pick up on it also and oblige and retort with Ho de ho. How more true could it had been taking into account it was Madame Kliess.
It was interesting to hear that the Czech multi millionaire started out as a professional skier for her country, well she seems to have gone full circle and looks like she is going downhill faster than ever.
2 classic quotes tonight firstly from Dane Bowers who raved 'Barbie Girl was just genius' going an even more embarrassingly step further adding Whigfields Saturday night to his list of genius tracks.
Jonas when trying to persuade, or perSwede the lady from mankini land into having a bit of fun came out with the line 'ah come on you farted in front of me, who knows it could lead to bigger things'. Yes Jonas it could, bigger smells and dirty knickers.
Two tweets that caught my eye tonight on the subject of #CBB were these;
@missjojosmith...Alex looks like Paul Calf and Ivana looks like Pauline Calf
@comedyBint in reply to a question 'What happened to Sov?' ComedyBint tweeted 'Trump ate her and is now resting in those cheeks'
Quality. If you want to leave your comments about Celebrity Big brother please do so below.
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