What has Ivana been putting in the housemates tea? Just as alarming was what her and Stephanie were putting in the blender for breakfast. 'A full English smoothie', no wonder it's not only bowels that are beginning to rumble. Most of the food served up so far makes the I'm a celebrity bush tucker trials seem more like a night out at Heston Blumenthals fat duck.
The next challenge for the pretend decrepids was 'The clapped out factor'. Stephen was first up with his impression of Norman Wisdom doing an impression of Thora Hurd and then a cleverly edited montage of those on their last legs tackling an assault course, well more of an insult actually, which included some sherry drinking, cold stew, cold malted milk drink, a hair net to go under, an electric car and falling asleep.
It was after this point that all hell broke loose, I expected to see Father Baldwin reach for the bible to bring some kind of sanity back to the residents of The last legs home for retired celebrities. What was Sov on? Thou shalt not steal beans is one of the commandments I'm pretty sure. But it all blew over without any real incident and beangate soon became bean and gone gate. if that didn't sway voters minds surely her next outburst about someone dissing her hair and sending her off into yet another dummy spitting, toy throwing tantrum will. Sorry to crimp your style Lady Sovereign but you just aint worth it. I really hope we British pick up our phones and vote her and the other non celebrity Katia sending them both back into obscurity. I love Ivana, someone who has been through it all, started with nothing but a set of skis and a dream and worked her way to celebritydom. Her question to the housemates tonight was classic, 'What is Katia famous for'? it seemed like they all came back with the same answer immediately, 'She went out with a rolling stone', Ivana replied with 'Is that it'? Thank God she wasn't in the room to hear that. 'Brilliant' as Davina would say while jumping up and down.
Vinnie as he usually does engaged in another conversation with Alex 'Tango' Reid about boxing and Alex was quick to tell us all he was ranked number 2 in the world, had then lost a few fights but has won his last 3. It isn't clear yet whether or not the snowman fight was included as one of those wins. One thing's for certain, his future may not be bright, but almost certainly orange.
Stephen gave us all a bible lesson, I'm not sure which psalm or chapter he was reading from but we did learn he can do anything to his wife, yep, it says it in the bible
Stephanie raised the question about whether or not they should legalise prostitution and revealed that she was once offered an indecent proposal of 40,000 to sleep with someone, scary eyes Stephen seemed to mishear and those eyes lit up as he heard £40, I think he fancied a bit of that, hold onto those pig tails Stephen and make her squeal, I'm sure it says in the bible somewhere that it's OK. Sov came up with the answer to end the sex for money industry when she blabbed again without thinking 'I fink all blokes should just get a girlfriend'. I bet the mafia are frightened now, fink of the money they will lose. There'll be a horses head in her bed when she gets out, isn't there always?
Jonas has been very quiet since the big Katia and Basshunter (Kunter) romance finished leaving him feeling more like a turnip than a Swede and his face rash seems to be getting worse. I have experienced various emotions over those two, but my final thoughts after tonight's antics have left me disliking both of them. Jonas, if you are going to say things like 'If I meet a girl in a pub or a club and she tells me she has a boyfriend I wont take it any further' don't then go and do the opposite on TV in front of millions. He really hasn't spoken apart from his attempts to seduce Katia and now that's all over he sits around and sulks, get over it, go and write another song, actually, scrap that idea, please don't.
The crossword challenge, very apt actually as it was all about cross words that housemates had spoken about each other, Nicola bless her really is slow, I can see why she made her name with something other than her brain. The clue was, what did someone call Stephen? 4 letters. Someone said dick then it went to knob, 'No' said Nicola, 'It has to be 4 letters and knob is only 3 letters, NOB'.
I will leave you with one thought, when in a dark bedroom and you don't know who is in there, say nothing horrible about anyone, or at least get some night vision goggles. However, I am really pleased that Katia heard them talking about her and they were right, the only chance she has got of staying in the house would be to shag the Swede or engage in a tribade. Some help for those who missed the countdown challenge on day 9 is available by clicking the following link. www.dictionary.reference.com/browse/tribade Katia, you are boring unless you are with someone because you offer nothing else, apart from your really annoying laugh.
Don't forget to vote, your options are
SOV and KATIA or Heidi
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