Honister to Manchester via Chile

I recently revisited the Lake District, but as one of the 2 million that descend on the Cumbrian County annually i wanted to discover the lesser known attractions other than Lake Windermere.

It was my girlfriends birthday so I thought I would surprise her and do something really romantic, so I took her on a tour of Honister slate mine. As a snooker player I was fascinated to find out where the substance that gave me so many hours of pleasure in my youth came from. I would of had to of gone to Italy or Spain to see that as Honister concentrates mainly on the roof tiles that adorn such high profile homes as Buckingham Palace to name drop just one.

Honister mine is more than 900 years old and there are still guys today using drills and cheese wire cutting 'Clogs' to keep the rain off heads for the next hundred years. I was fascinated by the tour guides enthusiasm, I even whispered to myself "Calm down woman it's only a bloody slate mine". My assumptive attitude reduced me in size considerably as it became clear that her Grandfather, Father and now her Son have all worked in this dark, damp, ery and dangerous hell hole. Her Son was in fact the new owner of the mine and within moments her passion transferred to me and I could feel my eyes weeping like the lava ceiling lid on this million year old tomb. A place that over the years has taken many lives.

I emerged from that hole in a mountain a different man than the one that went in. Men would dig with hammer and chisel from morning 'til night, they would live in appalling conditions with little more than shelter from the dis gusting winds that howled around Honister. They would walk 40 or 50 miles with a sack of food for their 2 week shift, the sack would be their mattress and it's content their fuel for what must of been a horrendous job in abominable conditions.

These men were real men, they would be paid what they were worth by the tonnes of slate they managed to extract with their bare hands, no explosives, no modern computers. Imagine this, 80% of what they used to mine was deemed unusable as it was too small. Now of course they waste nothing. you can buy anything from a head stone to a wine rack made from the worlds finest slate.

The dangers of mining are ever present and unless you have been stuck down a mine for the last 5 months you will be aware of the Chile disaster which thankfully turned into a miracle. 33 miners stuck 800 metres below ground with nothing to do except clear away the rubble caused by their rescuers efforts to free them. We all know now that they were all freed unscathed, apart from miner number 21 who was met by his mistress at the surface, my guess is he will have a few minor bumps and bruises after returning home.

What does all this have to do with Manchester which I featured in the title of this piece? Wayne Rooney! Actually, every premiership footballer, particularly those at clubs like Manchester United, Man City, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool.

Next time Rio Ferdinand gets a little twinge in his back send him to Honister for a tour, it's great exercise for the body and also the mind. You are pathetic all of you. Never done a days work in your life. You drive around in your sports cars to your long driveway mansions in your Armani suits and Gucci man bags, you are not men you are sad excuses of a species that would never have evolved and survived without real men like the boys from Honister who were united in their efforts and always delivered the goods.

It's about time these walking advertising hoardings were paid exactly what they were worth, pay them for good results not failure. Rooney supposedly one of the top strikers in the world is about to be rewarded for what can only be honestly described as a failure and will earn upwards of £200,000 a week with an imminent move to Manchester City, Chelsea, or hopefully abroad somewhere. May I recommend Amsterdam Ajax, I think even you can score there Wayne going on recent performances.

The courage, determination and teamwork those 33 Chilean miners just showed would be a fine example to set any footballer, I have a suggestion, 33 miners that's 3 football teams, get them on a football tour of the Premiership, Manchester United, City and Chelsea watch out because the real men are coming to get you and they will shaft the lot of you.

Football has dug itself into a huge hole without any hope of escape, clubs will continue to go into administration as long as there are individuals who think they are bigger than the team and club itself, it isn't just the players but chairmen and owners alike.

If I were a manager or a director of a football club today there would be a clause in everyone's contract which said they must visit Honister mine and do the tour of duty, duty to yourselves, your fans and for just 1 hour of your lives experience what it's like to do a proper days work for a ridiculous amount of money instead of sweet FA.