A new joint to challenge Bannatyne?

There is a new threat to Duncan Bannatyne’s empire in the shape of London Councils.

12 new Gyms are planned with 2 already to my knowledge fully operational. I have to say the risk of the council eating into Bannatyne’s fortunes are about as likely Wagner winning the X Factor or Jedward ever singing a note in tune.
I have a few concerns about whether or not my council tax is being spent wisely. My initial thought was great, free gym, but there must be a cost somewhere along the line. Do parks in London really need a gym? There isn’t even a Childs play area in the park, but OK I don’t have any kids, it might look like I am expecting one very soon so free exercise seems like a wise choice by Greenwich council.

What is the downside to an outdoor gym in England? well the obvious things like inclement weather conditions, vandals and also due to the lack of fencing surrounding it, the fact that foxes, dogs, and, George Michael is back on the loose don’t forget, so anything that roams the parks at night which means I could end up with God knows what all over my torso. That’s where the open air bit comes into its own, the rain can wash all the previous nights evidence away, there isn’t a CCTV camera in sight so we might never know who it was that had to go go before we wake up.

The pluses are that when the sun shines it’s nice, great surroundings, birds tweeting, no guys I don’t mean girls sitting around in leotards on their lap tops. The air is clean no smelly grunters and groaners and thankfully for me no mirrors in which to chirp who’s a pretty boy then.

(Photo: Is that Alan Sugar fresh from the gym?)

When I saw them constructing it last week I thought well how can people change the weights they are lifting, but all became clear today as I used the machines for the first time, by clever design you simply lift your own weight, which is a little unfair really, as the heavier and fatter you are the more you have to lift, now I know they, sorry we, are the ones who need to lose most kilos but no need to punish us so heavily. All in all I enjoyed my first workout, I feel rejuvenated, energised and positive, all those great feel good feelings we get from exercise. I never had to do one of those really embarrassing introductory assessments which other gyms make compulsory and best of all, it didn’t cost a penny.

As I started my second circuit I was interrupted by a guy in a suit obviously from the council asking what I thought of the new attraction in the park and had I heard any other feedback from other local residents. I pointed out that I thought it was amazing they put a gym there instead of a play area considering how many families came to walk their dogs. He said they had to consider what they thought the area needed and this was the result. In answer to his question regarding what I thought of the equipment I had no complaints really other than the ‘Treadmill’ was a bit of an accident waiting to happen, you know those things at airport security that you roll your bags along on for them to go through the X-ray machine, well that’s what the running machine is like, impossible to run on in the dry weather, it might be worth taking a camcorder along during the winter and sending a few clips off to 'You’ve been framed', nice little earner.

I enjoyed my first work out, but as I was just finishing off and hoping for a rain shower but unfortunately another shower emerged and I got a sharp reminder of why Bannatyne’s fortunes are secure for now as 3 hoodies turned up smoking weed. One headed straight for the bench press which must have been his first ever time in a ‘Gym’ and after 5 reps exclaimed, “This is easy, I could do this all day long”. I presume he was referring to the joint in his mouth.

(Photo: The wrong kind of leaves are falling this autumn in our parks)